With the advent of the COVID-19 Pandemic, new government-imposed restrictions became a part of daily life. Masks must be worn inside of buildings, certain businesses must be closed down for fear of spreading the virus, and everyone must stand six-feet apart. These are The Rules™, and they are vitally important in this trying time. Without them, the virus would wreak havoc on our daily lives, and all of society would be in disarray. If The Rules™ were not followed, who knows how many deaths the virus would claim? How many loved ones, co-workers, and friends would no longer be with us? Indeed, dear reader, we must follow The Rules™ at all costs, for fear of the consequences if neglect them.
This past September 11th marked the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on The World Trade Center and The Pentagon. Naturally, there were ceremonies held in both of these locations, with many prominent politicians in attendance. During the ceremony at the 9/11 Memorial in New York City, the vast majority of these attending were wearing masks, as one would expect during a deadly pandemic. However, in shocking photos taken right after the ceremony ended, nearly everyone pictured is intermingled and socializing with each in close proximity without masks on. Among those pictured without masks are Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, Representative Alexandria-Ocasio Cortez, New York Governor Kathy Hochul, and Senator Kristen Gillibrand. Right after the ceremonies and photo-ops, the masks all come off and social distancing is quickly forgotten.
But I assure you, dear reader, The Rules™ are vital and important. To keep everyone safe from the virus, they must be obeyed.
On September 13th, The Met Gala was held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. It is one of the biggest nights of the year in the fashion world, as well as a gathering for some of the biggest names in entertainment and culture. Appearances were made from Billie Eilish, Justin Bieber, Lil Nas X, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, among many others.
Predictably, a plethora of pictures and glamor shots were taken of every celebrity that walked through the doors. Surprisingly, all of these pictures have on thing in common. The individuals being photographed are maskless, while all of the aides and assistants in the background are all wearing masks. This is not the case for one or two photos, but all of them. All of the celebrities, the objects of attention, went the entire night without touching a mask, all the while those who carried their dress trains, served the food and drinks, and actually made the night possible all wore masks for the entirety of the hours-long event.
But I assure you, dear reader, The Rules™ are necessary. What would our lives be in this trying time without them?
The 73rd Emmy Awards, dedicated to recognizing and awarding the best television shows of the past year, took place on September 19th. Much like any other award show, various shows are nominated in various categories, the winners are announced, and all the rest. As one might imagine, these shows are quite prestigious events, and the venues are almost always packed with eager nominees and guests. That was in the past, of course, and surely this could never continue during a raging pandemic. Some drastic changes to the award show venue and format would be necessary, one would imagine. Los Angeles county health officials gave the Emmys an exemption from the otherwise strict pandemic restrictions regarding masks and social distancing. No one in attendance wore masks for the entire night. That is, except the waiters and venue workers, of course. They remained masked throughout the event, even while the A-list of Hollywood sat all around them without any precautions whatsoever.
But I implore you, dear reader, The Rules™ are crucial imperatives. Without them, how could there be any order in this time of chaos? Do you want the virus to win?
Gavin Newsom needed to go out to dinner. Nancy Pelosi needed to get her hair done. Lori Lightfoot needed a haircut. London Breed wanted to hear some live music. Gretchen Whitmer wanted to get a drink. Dianne Feinstein didn’t want to wear a mask.
But I insist to you, dear reader, The Rules™ must be followed. They must never be broken.
